


Pon Farr

by Honest_Brain



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, Hogwarts Seventh Year, M/M, Marauders' Era, Mentions of Sex, Star Trek References
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-23
Updated: 2016-06-23
Packaged: 2018-07-16 19:39:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7282027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Honest_Brain/pseuds/Honest_Brain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So, while there were many things he expected to come out of Sirius and Lily taking their friendship to a new level, being ambushed by Sirius’s lips on his in the safety and comfort of his own dormitory was not one of them. Nor were the hands that were steadily creeping underneath his sweater and oh dear lord, was that Sirius’s wand he felt poking against his hip and thigh or something else? </p>
<p>“Remuusssss. We need to have sex. Like right now. For seven years.”</p>
<p>When Dumbledore promised him safety should he decide to come to Hogwarts for his education, Remus didn’t think he took Sirius Black into account.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pon Farr

There were several things Remus Lupin expected as a result of the newly forced bonding experiences between one Lily Evans and one Sirius Black at the request of one James Potter. For example, he expected Sirius to be introduced to even more muggle things than what he, himself, had shown his friends over the past seven years. But he knew, for all of Sirius’s brilliance and fascination for all things muggle, Sirius still maintained his incredibly short attention span and need to embellish what he considered to be boring parts. Thus, his muggle knowledge was usually an uncoordinated mess of fact and fiction (mostly fiction with factually sounding but still fictitious names, if Remus was being honest with himself), but that sounded bizarre enough to be believed by pureblood wizards (like James Potter, for instance). Remus, being the half-blood that he was ( _thank you very much, Mum_ , because it was honestly one of his recurring nightmares that he was a pureblood and thus as insane as either James or Sirius), knew that Sirius Black was full of shit. But, unless Sirius’s shit was having a direct, unwanted impact on Remus himself, Remus usually remained quiet and let his two idiot pureblood friends completely bastardize muggle culture. Lily Evans could have that headache, he decided. It was time for her to start pulling her weight now that she was dating James.

The second thing Remus expected was for Sirius to subtly test Remus for a chance to claim his superior knowledge of muggle life (what a fucking extraordinary ego, Remus thought). Instead of admitting that he didn’t know what Sirius was talking about (because, of course, Sirius was talking about his own fabricated aspects of muggle culture and thus unknown to any muggle) Remus usually lied straight to his face. If he was a better man, he would have sat Sirius (like the child that he was) and explained to him that he was full of shit and knew close to nothing about muggles. But alas, Remus decided that he was not a better man (after all, he wasn’t Head Boy—just a lowly prefect). It was too much temptation to not fuck with the daft bastard. And as long as Sirius didn’t seek out Lily to confirm what Remus told him, his friend remained a perfectly gullible bastard. Sometimes, for all the excruciatingly complicated plots his band of idiots pulled off, they were ridiculously simple. But this fact made Remus so delighted he really couldn’t complain.

A third expectation was for Sirius to use any newfound muggle knowledge to annoy the Slytherins, though Remus was sure it was more the fact that Sirius was irritating them than anything muggle related coming out of his mouth. Thus, Sirius got himself into trouble. Sometimes, he’d serve detentions, but more often than not, to Remus’s great amusement and James’s frustration, he managed to charm his way out. The beautiful arsehole simply had too much charisma. And an uncanny ability to just smile and bullshit his way out of trouble (even Mcgonagall was starting to just dismiss him sometimes just to shut him up, fairness and punishment be damned). Many people knew Sirius Black was great at getting into trouble, but those same people also seemed to forget how absolutely fantastic he was at getting himself out of the trouble that he got himself into in the first place.

So, while there were many things he expected to come out of Sirius and Lily taking their friendship to a new level, being ambushed by Sirius’s lips on his in the safety and comfort of his own dormitory was not one of them. Nor were the hands that were steadily creeping underneath his sweater and oh dear lord, was that Sirius’s wand he felt poking against his hip and thigh or something else? When Dumbledore promised him safety should he decide to come to Hogwarts for his education, Remus didn’t think he took Sirius Black into account.

“Sirius!” Remus pushed the other teenager off of himself, holding him by his shoulders at arm’s length. “What are you doing?”

Sirius whined, his hands flying over Remus’s outstretched arms and fondling them (how the other boy managed to make touching his arms dirty Remus would never know). “Remuusssss. We need to have sex. Like right now. For seven years.”

“What?” For all of his odd behaviors and quirks, Remus had never once entertained the thought that Sirius Black might be mad until this very moment. But clearly he should have, and now he had no one to be disappointed in but himself for his glaringly obvious omission.

Sirius stilled, placing his hands over Remus’s on his shoulders and looked Remus in the eye with a somber face. His lips tightened and were pulled down slightly at the edges, his eyebrows dipped in the center of his face, and his nostrils flared slightly. “Remus,” he said. “Pay attention. I can tell you’re wandering off and inner monologuing again (“I—wha—You’re the one who does that!”) and I have to say it’s not as cute as you might think it looks. Still kinda cute though,” and at this he had the audacity to wink at Remus. “Anyways,” Sirius continued, “we have more important matters to disc—although, actually, could you remove your hands?” Sirius gave him a pout, whining a little bit more and running his hands along Remus’s hands, very much like a dog.

“Will you attack me again if I do?”

Sirius reacted with an overexaggerated gasp (Remus rolled his eyes) and started sputtering. “A-Attack? How dare you, you heartless Vulcan! I’m trying to save our lives here, and you have the nerve, the-the audacity, to accuse me of harm?” He tore himself away from Remus and started pacing. Remus let his arms drop cautiously to his side, bracing himself for the full body launch he knew was coming. “I can’t believe—I really thought—no wonder—Remus!” Sirius knocked Remus harshly against the door of the dormitory, and now the two boys pressed together again with no space between them ( _well, I fucking saw that coming_ , Remus thought). “Hi,” he said and proceeded to lick Remus’s cheek.

“You’re disgusting,” Remus grunted, trapped between the door and his boyfriend.

“Disgustingly hot, I know. It drives you mad,” Sirius said without missing a beat. And another lick on the other side of his face. Remus briefly wondered when the thought of being covered in Sirius’s saliva became more of an inconvenience to him instead of a violation of his personal boundaries. He very much doubted he would think the same of James’s saliva. Or Peter’s. At the thought of Peter licking him, his body gave an involuntary shudder, which ignited a gleeful look in Sirius’s eyes. Eyes that were at the moment too close to his face for his liking.

“Thinking naughty thoughts, are we?” Sirius waggled his eyebrows.

“Please, everything you do is basically naughty.”

“You love it.” Sirius leaned his head down, and, try as he might, Remus couldn’t stop the other boy from licking his neck. There was only so much maneuvering he could do trapped in Sirius’s arms. “Anyways, before you so rudely interrupted me,” Sirius started again, “we need to have sex. For seven years straight. It’s Pon Farr. It’s a muggle thing, Remus, dear, and the consequences of not following through include a fight to the death. And I know—”

“Stop,” Remus interrupted. “Stop.”

Sirius huffed, his breath washing over the wet skin on Remus’s cheek and neck, sending another shiver down his spine.

“Did Lily make you watch Star Trek? Is that where this is coming from?” Remus raised an unimpressed eyebrow. Sirius resisted the urge to bite it. Remus couldn’t be unimpressed with him if he had no eyebrows to be unimpressed with.

“It’s from a domutary. I saw it. One of those real life thingies. About people going to stars. Remus, I’m a star. We have to follow their rituals.” Sirius grinned, proud at his logic. Because he knew, if there was one nonphysical thing to get the prefect all hot and bothered it was impeccable reasoning. Sirius hoped so at any rate.

“Star Trek isn’t a documentary, you arsehole. It’s fake.” Clearly, the traitor Lily Evans was not pulling her weight and correcting whatever horrible amalgamation of twisted facts Sirius had managed to pull from the television show.

“But I’m a star,” Sirius pouted. “Spork didn’t have sex and he had to fight to the death. Remusssss! Don’t make me fight to the death! I’m too pretty,” Sirius whined, blinking his eyes at Remus who let out a snort. Sometimes, he was downright bloody grateful Sirius couldn’t do everything perfect. He had never managed to make blinking endearing or sexy or cute.   _Small victories_ , Remus thought.

“We’re not having sex for seven continuous years. That’s not even how Pon Farr works.”

At this Sirius let out a grunt of frustration and opened his mouth widely, attaching his teeth to Remus’s neck and letting his tongue just rest there, adding more slobber to his uncooperative boyfriend’s neck.

Remus responded with disgust, scrunching up his nose and moving his neck, trying to dislodge the other boy. “Get off me, you mutt.”

Sirius relented, pulling away with saliva hanging off his bottom lip. Remus paused and stared. He was sure he had more words to say to Sirius. More words about…stuff. Possibly important stuff. _Probably_ important stuff. Remus licked his lips. _Oh, ye of little self control,_ his brain taunted him as he leaned forward to kiss Sirius, swallowing his boyfriend’s startled, but pleased, outburst. The kiss went on for about a minute before Remus pulled back.

“Wait, no,” he started. Sirius launched his face at Remus in protest, kissing his cheek down to his jawline and neck. “Sirius,” Remus gasped, staring at the ceiling and trying to think of what else he had to say before things escalated further.

“Get ready for seven years of sex, Remus.” Hands were again underneath his sweater, on his skin. It took Remus a moment to realize that if Sirius was back to molesting him with his hands, then Remus’s arms were free now.

It took all of Remus’s willpower to push Sirius away from him, though he was gentler this time, and he ignored Sirius’s startled squawk. “We can’t just have sex for seven years.” Remus held up a finger to stop Sirius from arguing. “However,” he started, pulling his boyfriend back towards him. “I think I can give you the next hour.”

“Oh my dear, sweet Remus. I suppose I’ll make do with an hour. For now.” Sirius started peppering little kisses on his neck again as Remus hummed in agreement.

“Good. Because after that we're going to have a long conversation about Star Trek and Pon Farr and Vulcans because your understanding is honestly horrendous an—”

Remus guessed that there were better uses for his mouth for the next hour than talking. He’d let Sirius have this one.


End file.
